#189: Visit my parents for Christmas

Last year I spent Christmas at my place for the first time in my life. I was alone for most of the time, for obvious reasons. London was too far away for my ageing parents/family to travel to at short notice, which worked out because I couldn't have handled having guests anyway. As much as I love my family, it would have been too much. But nor could I go home, by myself, to the house I grew up in. I would have felt like even more of a failure than I already did to be showing up, by myself, like I did when I was 20 years old.  I imagined everyone thinking, "Oh look at her, single at Christmas time, and at her age. How sad."

I needed to be in the comfort of my own home, alone with my cats. (And get used to how I would likely spend the rest of my life: alone with the cats.) The house may have been a bit empty and lonely at times but it was a safe and comfortable place for me to cry and be sad, which was exactly what I needed at the time. Truth be told it was a very enjoyable Christmas for me all things considered. Simple, straight-forward with no entanglements, stressful travel or difficult relations to deal with. Nor did I have to explain myself or lack of partner to distant relatives or parental friends. I felt bad letting my parents down but I didn't need to make life any harder for myself than it already was.

However, I knew I shouldn't do that again and when I put my list together I hoped I'd be able to handle Christmas with family this year. So I braved the roads and airport, (even stealing a cheeky photo booth kiss in the process) and am happy to say that I have made it back to my childhood home this year for Christmas. And while I may have arrived on my own, I'm totally ok with that because I know there are people out there who care about, and even love, me.

Merry Christmas indeed.