Friday, 22 August 2014

#267: Not date for 6 months

Having achieved my goal of not dating for 3 months in June, I've now made it to 6 months without going on a single date. Not only have I not been looking to date, in the odd circumstance that someone has expressed an interest, I've politely declined. This is a very big step for me for a number of reasons.

First of all, I don't like saying no or letting people down and so I find it difficult to turn down a date because I worry I'm going to hurt someone's feelings. I can appreciate the courage it takes to admit to someone that you like them and/or want to get to know them better. I'm incredibly shy myself underneath it all and find it really difficult to ask someone out, so I do truly appreciate it when someone has the courage to ask me out. Also, I generally have pretty low self esteem. I don't understand why someone would like me and I'm SO NOT used to being liked and fancied, that as a result I sometimes end up spending too much time with the wrong people because I don't think anyone else would ever want me.

It's only taken me 40 years to realise that:
A) I can be genuinely flattered by being asked out, but also let someone down gently, at the same time.
B) I can be likeable at times (when I'm not being stubborn, difficult or generally a pain in the ass).
C) When I put some effort in, I have the potential to be attractive to a small subset of people occasionally.
D) I deserve to be with someone who treats me well, who loves me and who I'm madly in love with as well.

My self-imposed moratorium on dating has also allowed me to make some great new friends and to build up a life outside of being in a couple. I feel like I'm in a great place where I have a good idea what I want and don't want, as well as what I deserve, and I don't want to get involved with someone unless it really feels right. Of course there's a danger that I'm going to be too cautious and see warning signs where none exist, but if that means I stay single for an extended period of time then I'm ok with that too.

Now that I've ticked this off the list, I may go on an occasional date -- after all there are some interesting and attractive people out there.  However, I'm not going out of my way for a date. I'll only go if it really feels right.

My next goal on this theme is to not get into a serious relationship for a only 6 more months to go for that!

Photo credit: Manuel Fernandes / Shutterstock

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